There is no way home, home is the way.
Thich Nhat Hanh would understand why i followed Father Longenecker's advice and went back to singing God's glory in church.
I sincerely married in church, and i sincerely made sure my kids were baptized. I grew up in a much simpler world, where mass was joyfully celebrated every Sunday in my suburban public primary school gym. The place was packed with my schoolmates and their families. That's where i first tasted the joy of losing my voice in the choir’s music, singing God’s glory.
I kept going to church every Sunday until maybe my second year in med school. Then i gradually became more and more distant. By the time my kids should have had their first “age of reason” sacraments, i didn't have it in me to bend over backwards to reconcile medicine, feminism and my religion. I kept on praying to God, but declared myself agnostic.
After a decade or so, the fruits of this easy spiritual path started to really show.
They stink, and they taste like despair.
Last week i found out where my local church is, and although i felt a bit silly, awkward and embarrassed, i went back to Sunday mass. I did it again yesterday.
I am so grateful for the words, the music, the ritual gestures that came back to me like sap rushes up a frozen tree when it is kissed by the spring sun.
I had missed the kiss of God. In simpler times, it was obvious that i had a soul, and that what i did with it mattered.
I hope it still does.
Praise be to God, Marie! If your guardian angel had feelings I'm sure it would feel relief. And, of course, what you do (at every moment) still matters to your soul. You open that door and invite God's grace in and the Holy Spirit will guide you on your ascension. Peace of Christ to you.